What they don't tell you

As an expat spouse, they don’t tell you that even though you knew your spouse would be traveling half the time, the other half, you won’t see each other much either. There's a lot of "alone" time. A lot of time to "figure it all out". And by all - I mean exactly that.

You may not realize it but you are responsible for figuring out the system by yourself, trying to communicate without offending. You are, after all, the ambassador of your country to this new location. Being from the US, that is always a bit tricky. Most countries and their people have a love/hate relationship with us, so first impressions are important. You deal with the people arriving 2 days late for an appointment, or not showing at all. You deal with the miscommunications because the Spanish you thought you knew isn't the same as it is here - I asked for a pen not a nail file, thanks - yes, I know nail files aren't allowed in the airport. You deal with the trying to find places, which in a city the size of Panama, shouldn't be too taxing, but ask someone for directions, and you will get, something like this - we are located just before where the old flower shop used to be before they tore it down. (Thank goodness for growing up in the country where, to get to my house, you had to turn right where Blakely's used to be and again where the oak tree used to be in the fork in the road, or driving night have been just impossible.) Ask for a street address, you say? Forget, GPS, my techno-saavy friends! Yeah, right, you know, I don't even know what street I live on. I live across from X, just down the road from Y before you get to Z. Oh, yeah, postal service? Good luck with that one, too. The only mail I receive is the electric bill because it is hand delivered to our building. They will find you if they want you. :) But, in a weird sort of way, it all works. You just need to take time to figure it out... I'm still trying.

Another thing they don’t tell you that trying to make creating a social life will be one of the hardest jobs you will have. If you have ever moved from one city to another within the same state or country, you can imagine what I mean. But, in other countries things don't always work the way you think they should. You know, sign up for an art class, make new friends; sign up for a cooking class, make new friends; sign up for ... you get the idea... But, Panama, ummm ... trying to find the classes is the tough part. I just had a newbie say to me a few days ago – I know there are lots of things to do here, but how do you find out what they are and where to go? Truth is, there is tons of stuff in Panama, but the most common way to find out isn’t the web, it’s word of mouth. If you don’t have friends, you don’t have information. Even if you do have friends, if they don’t have a foot in somewhere, they won’t know either. So, you join organizations, like “Who’s New”, which meets the first Tuesday of every month at the Sanborne's cafeteria in Multiplaza. And even through most of the women in this club are over the age of 60, they still have things in common with you – they are expats or transplants, too. And, more importantly, they have a foot in somewhere. And, there, hidden in the nooks and crannies of third- hand information, you find that the city opens up, one acquaintance at a time.

Of course, if organizations don't exist or you can't find them either because you haven't found that one friend who knows someone who knows someone who knows about a place you could go to meet new people, you can do what I’ve done and initiate a girl’s night out. Our group started off as 6 of us who met in the park, walking our dogs - ah, something in common already. Now there are about 20 who come from time to time. We all just need a place where we can feel “normal”, a place where we aren’t running into walls or struggling with the adaptation process, just hanging out and enjoying. And, enjoy, we do!